February 24, 2004

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We report, you decide
The Lying Disaster Monkey started his election campaign yesterday, casting himself as a strong leader.
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Well, I guess at least the trains are running on time.
Let's take a look at some of his other accomplishments:

  • Spent the country's surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
  • Shattered the record for biggest deficit in history.
  • Set the all-time record for most vacation days taken by any president.
  • Presided over the worst security failure in US history.
  • Asked House and Senate leaders not to investigate the period leading up to the 9/11 attacks.
  • Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips of any other president in US history.
  • Under his watch, over 5 million Americans have lost their jobs.
  • Cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any president in US history.
  • Set the all-time record for the most mortgage foreclosures in a 12-month period.
  • Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
  • Lied to get us into war, responsible for the needless deaths of over 540 US troops and thousands of civilians.
  • Caused more than 100 school districts in seven states to shorten the school week in order to offset budget cuts.
  • Under his watch, Americans have been exposed to anthrax and ricin. The perpetrators still have not been caught.
  • Does not take responsibility for anything, blames everyone else (CIA, 'statisticians,' speechwriters, Bill Clinton, foreign governments...).

    For more of Smirky McGolfcart's resume', go here.


    Il Ducebag

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